School is about to start and I wanted to share a couple ideas that might help with the transition from summer to school.
 

1.  Start the school time schedule this week.  Set the alarm so you’re waking up at the time for a school day and then have a school day breakfast.  
2. Set aside 30 minutes (preferably in the morning and during the normal school day time) every day for some type of academics followed by 30 minutes of outside time.  The movement immediately after academics is for the brain to process all this information.
3. If this is the first year at a new school, walk to school (if possible) and check out the playground, the front entrance, etc.  Talk about what they think they’re going to see, the most exciting thing they’ll do this school year, or where their classroom may be. 

 
As much as children like to moan and groan about school, they love it even more.  Routines are a big sense of comfort for children and school is the biggest routine of their lives.
 
Let’s have a great school year!

The last few times I’ve been out speaking I keep hearing about somebody saying we should not be saying “No” to children.  Nobody has yet been able to tell me the reasons or thinking behind this.  Professionally I can’t think of any good reason why we should keep from using the word “No”.  Here are my thoughts:
 
If a child never hears the word “No “ while growing up:
 
they will be in for a big surprise the first time they hear it.  They won’t know how to handle the fact that somebody told them “No” and there’s nothing more they can do about it.
 
they will have a false sense of self-esteem.  Self-esteem is built as much on the happy times as it is during the times when people are saying “No”.  When they’ve been told “No” in the early years, they learn quickly that mom and dad still love them, want them around, and they are still the same person they were before they heard that word.
 
they will grow up thinking they can do whatever they want whenever they want.  That’s simply not the way of the world!  There are social norms, rules, and laws that we all must follow in our society. 
 
Children will always complain about the “No” and that’s o.k. because it is their job to challenge.  As a result of those challenges, children are finding their place in this world.  However, “No” sets the boundaries within which children must live and this is very comforting for a child.  When they know the rules and all the expectations that go with these rules, children feel safe because THEY know what to expect and how to act.
 
 Now, I do believe parents and professionals use the word “No” way too much!  This is the reason one of a child’s first words is “No.”  Instead of “No”, use the word “Stop”.  “Stop” is great because it’s a word they don’t hear too often.  When children hear “No” all the time they become accustomed to that word and eventually tune it out.  Save the “No” for the important moments like when they’re touching something hot or getting into a dangerous situation.  Now when they hear “No” they are ready to hear it because it’s the first time they heard it; not the umpteenth time.  Believe it or not that makes a big difference!
 
“No” is o.k. when used in proper portions.
 

The path to paying attention is quite a long and arduous trail.  It all starts at birth and, hopefully, five or six years later the child is able to focus on their tasks and the people talking to them.  Children are not born knowing how to focus; it’s something that is part of their development and is a learned skill rather than one that comes naturally.  Along the way, children are going through three stages of development that start as young as 12 months and ends around six years of age.
 
I am writing about the path to paying attention for a couple reasons.  One reason is those darn fidget spinners.  Every time I think those things are finished I read another article claiming these toys actually help children focus.  Simply put there are no toys that can replace, replicate, or reproduce the development of a child’s brain.  When I read about toys taking the place of development I feel a strong need to say something.
 
The other reason is to help people understand what is developmentally appropriate.  I talk with many parents who, thankfully, worry about their child’s behaviors and whether or not their child is normal.  I believe if we understand the developmental stages of a certain skill we can all take a deep breath, relax, and give children the space and time they need to be a child.
 
Before I go into the three stages, please remember that ages and stages are just for general knowledge and guidance.  Some children enter these phases at an earlier age while others wait a little while.  Both are just fine because every child has their own developmental plan.  I believe we forget about this fact and expect all children to be doing the same things at the same time.  That’s not a fair expectation to have for children.  Here are the three stages:
 
The Overly Exclusive Stage:  This stage occurs between the ages of 12 and 20 months.  During this phase baby can focus on an object so intently that all the bells, whistles, alarms, vacuums and noisy brothers and sisters won’t stop them from fixating on that one object.  During this stage, I would talk for the child and describe what they’re seeing, feeling, hearing, smelling, and tasting.  For example, as baby is looking at a set of keys I would say something like “You’re looking at my keys.  They’re very hard and shiny.  I’ll bet they taste good.”  People think I’m crazy when I do this with a baby and I do it because the baby is learning so much.  Whenever we can connect words with experiences the brain is getting the necessary input for the thalamus to “send” all that information to the right place in the brain.  
 
The Overly Inclusive Stage: “What’s this?  What’s that?  OMG, what’s this?”  These questions are asked in a short period of time and with a sense of urgency unbeknownst to us!  The brain has such a strong need for information and it’s driving the child’s curiosity.  The Overly Inclusive Stage begins around 20 months and continues through the age of five or six.  The best way to describe the behavior shown by children during this stage is ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) or ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder).  I only use these labels because we all have an idea of what this might look like.  I do NOT believe children at this age have ADD or ADHD and I believe children should NOT be medicated for these types of behaviors. So much of these actions are due to brain activity and the normal process of development.  Children must go through these stages naturally if we truly want children to have normal development. 
 
Because this stage covers a long period of time, there are so many things we can do that help children develop the necessary skills to be able to focus.  Here are some ideas:
 
Clear the clutter!  When children (one to three year olds) are finished playing with a toy or doing a craft project, have children clean up their area and put everything away before they move on to the next activity or toy.  It’s also important for children to do the majority of the work with a little bit of help from adults.  Before you say children this young can’t clean up their mess, let me tell you about our infant playgroups.   Children in our one year old playgroups will pick up toys and put them in a toy box when it’s time to clean up our toys.  Granted this is something they had to learn (and it takes about five playgroups for everyone to get the idea of cleaning up) and yet, they are expert “picker-uppers’!
 
Clear the clutter Part Two!  As they get older and have homework to do, I would make sure there is only one piece of paper out at a time.  When they finished with the one in front of them, it gets put away and another sheet comes out.  Keep the child on task of cleaning up one thing completely before moving on to the next mess. 
 
Play Freeze Games.  There are so many different ways to play freeze games; it’s really up to your imagination and creativity.  However, any game you play needs to have the desired outcome of stopping and listening to whatever is going to be said next.
 
The magical number is three!  Children (and adults) can remember things in threes.  So, when giving children directions keep it to three things at a time.  If a child is having difficulty remembering three things, give them one direction at a time.  When they’re successful with that, increase the number to two.  When they’re successful with that, increase the number of directions to three.  I also like to ask the child to repeat my directions so I can make sure they heard me before going off to do the tasks.
 
Comprehension is king and queen!  When you’re finished watching a movie or reading a book, ask your child to identify the most important person (main character), the problem they had to solve and how they solved their problem, sequence in order the top three events, and what was happening in the beginning/ending of the book.
 
Paying Attention:  This stage picks up between 5 and 6 years of age; just in time for a child’s first entrance into public school.  If the child has had enough experiences and expectations then they will be ready to listen to the teacher, follow directions, and complete tasks on time.  If a child isn’t doing this by now, this tells me they need some extra time and practice; not medication.
 
There is one more piece that can help or hinder a child’s ability to focus and that is the child’s sensory development.  In and of itself, sensory development is worthy of one or more blogs.  Suffice it to say that sensory development is a huge piece in a child’s overall academic success.  Without going into much detail of what it is or what to do, my best advice is to get your child in the mud, sand, water, snow, turn them upside down, rock them back and forth,  and put all kinds of sponges in their bath.  The goal is to stimulate a child’s senses.  It’s not always neat and clean and I haven’t met a child yet that is neat and clean all day every day.  For more information about Sensory Integration, I recommend checking out The Out-of Sync Child by Carol Stock Kranowitz.
 
Finally, just because a child has the ability to pay attention doesn’t mean they are always going to do so!  They’re still children learning all the nuances of life and there will be more exciting things around the corner than listening to and following directions.  These situations help children refine the skill of paying attention and take them to the next level of focusing that in time will help them when they’re adults.
 
Thanks for reading and this is what I know about children.
 

I know, it sounds like I’m selling some type of real estate and, honestly, I’m not!  Over the years many parents have come to me, especially at this time of year, telling me a story or two of going for a walk or simply going outside with their 2 or 3 year old and their child gets too far ahead of them.  When mom or dad tells them to stop or come back and starts running after the child, the child keeps going and appears to be defiant.  This really frustrates the adult because on some level they think the child is being defiant and on a whole other level safety comes into play.  The question I get asked is “Why are they doing this?”  My answer is “Location!  Location!  Location!” 
 
One of the many things I’ve learned about children is their ability to hear and understand the words being said is directly proportionate to the distance between adult and child.  If there is more than an arm’s length between child and adult, the chances of them listening and complying are slim to none.  Here’s what’s happening:
 

1. At this age and younger, children are in a cause and effect world.  In other words, they do something and something happens.  Do you remember playing all those innocent chase games inside the house?  For a young child, this is a great game and needs to be played.  When a child is outside and you tell them to stop then start running up to them, they immediately go to that chase game and the game is on!  This has nothing to do with defiance and everything to with playing a game.
2. Frontal lobes are required to think about future consequences and at this time of their lives, the frontal lobes are in stand-by mode.  They’re not concerned with the street corner that’s 100 feet away or all the cars zooming around in the street.  The only thing that matters most to them is running away from you.
3. Independence!  Most young children want to be completely independent and will do everything possible to gain their freedom.  When they’re running away, that feeling of being free is as strong as ever.

 
So, what do you do?  The most obvious thing is to keep your child within an arm’s length at all times.  I realize young children want to walk on their own (and they should) and we need to stay within that arm’s length.  If you’re pushing a stroller, ask them to hold on to the side and help you push the baby.  When they start getting too far ahead, the word “Stop!” is useful because it’s not “No!”  Then, comes the choice “You can walk next to me or you can hold my hand.”  Here are some other ideas:
 

1. If your child is more than an arm’s length away, say nothing until you’re able to hold their hand.  Once you’re holding hands, tell them it’s time to go inside for some lunch. 
2. If you happen to have more than one child, walk up to one of the children, take their hand and tell them “Let’s go see what your sister is doing.”  When both children’s hands are in your hands, that’s the time to let them know you’re going inside for lunch.  Twins and triplets are experts at knowing when they need to scatter without saying anything to each other!
3. If safety is an issue, don’t say anything!  Start running like the wind!  If you say anything, they will go into game mode, start running, and accidents may happen.

 
I realize at some point children are being defiant and need to listen to mom and dad.  The challenge is identifying when that switch from game to defiance occurs.  For me, it’s all about their eyes and facial reactions.  If they are looking directly at me, do the wrong thing (whatever that might be), and keep looking at me, I know they are in defiance mode.  The icing on the cake is when they show a mad face or one with some kind of angry contortions.  When this happens, I know they are truly in defiance.
 
Children are great people who are learning about life and whom they are in the same manner as you and I did. 
 
I hope this helps! 

When I’m out speaking, people ask me what they can do to help nurture a child’s brain.  After years of observing children, I’m getting a better picture of what this looks like. 
 
During one of our Music days, I noticed a child was standing like a statue while we were singing.  When we were finished singing, she had the same affect—standing like a statue.  This was concerning to me because of the continued affect so I walked over and held/rubbed her hands.  She immediately started singing at a place we were 30 seconds prior to taking her hands. 
 
In our one and two year old play groups, children coming in for the first time will come in with a petrified look on their faces because they don’t know what to expect.  In every instance, I walk over to the child, take their hands in mine and just hold/rub them firmly.  Usually in a short time, the child will look me in the eyes and using a soft voice I will reassure them that everything’s o.k. Then, I’ll encourage them to take their time checking out things and people.  If this child has been in a playgroup before, I start reminding them of people’s names and match child with parent while holding their hands.
 
When a child is starting to get their body and voice out of control or one who needs a reminder to follow the rules in our classroom, I will take their hands and hold on to them until they look me in the eyes.  Once we have eye contact and still holding/rubbing hands, I remind him/her of the rules, people in this room follow the rules, and those who don’t get to sit in the corner.
 
The common actions in all of these situations are that I am holding a child’s hand, waiting for eye contact, and then communicating.  There are many reasons I do this.  Most importantly I do this to make a human connection with the child. Children will relax when they know they are loved, cared for, and protected.  Once this happens, they are more willing to walk around the room and play.  The other big reason I hold hands is because of the brain. 
 
Information enters the brain through our senses.  We have two sets of senses:  far (touching, tasting, smelling, hearing, seeing) and near (interoceptive, vestibular, proprioceptive and tactile).  The near senses have more to do with sensory integration and in turn, learning. When the brain can’t process information coming in through those senses, the child will react by screaming, crying, running/jumping around with no purpose, or simply standing still.  Sensory integration is a brain behavior connection.
 
Out of all the near senses, I believe the proprioceptive sense (body awareness is space) is crucial.  I believe when children are throwing full-blown hissy fits or are running into things (maybe on purpose, maybe not), or are just out of control, they have lost their edges, as Mary would say.  Once this happens, the brain doesn’t know where the body is and confusion about what to do and how to act sets in.  When I take the child’s hands, the brain has found one of those edges and it starts relaxing.  (This is why you folks see me hopping your child from one place to another when they get a little mad or need redirecting.)  I know their brain is relaxed when the child can look me in the eyes and connect with me.  Now, I’m ready to talk.
 
 
My final reason is that when I’m holding their hands, the child can’t get away!  Communicating with children is much like real estate—it all depends on location, location, location.  When I’m within an arm’s distance or better yet holding hands, I have a much better chance of a child hearing and listening to what I’m saying.  When I’m farther than that, my chances are slim to none of a child even recognizing the fact I am speaking to them.
 
Before ending, I must tell you between the ages of 9 and 20 months it’s all about the feet.  Little babies love having their feet rubbed, “patty caked” or crossed.  When I see a baby kicking their feet at me, I know they are ready for and wanting a conversation with me and as I’m talking I will rub, patty cake, and cross their feet.  I believe this is the second most important point for information to enter the child’s brain.  The most important point is through their mouth; they love to taste things!
 
I hope this helps.  It sure has changed the way I think about communicating with young children.  The piece that has helped me the most is getting an understanding of what the brain needs to develop.  This information is shaping the things I do with children. When I recognize a brain-behavior connection, I have a better idea of what I need to do that will help the brain relax so the child can start listening and learning.  

Self-esteem is...
... the single most important aspect of a child’s life and it gives them the confidence they need to be successful in every aspect of their life. 
 
 
... going to keep a child from succumbing to peer pressure even when they know that their friends will “like” them better if they were to give in and do the unthinkable. 
 
 
... the motivating force that keeps a child striving to do their best because they like the feeling of pride they own after accomplishing a task they never thought possible.
 
Building Self Esteem 
Have Unconditional Positive Regard! 
 
Children are good people--even after they make a mistake!  Let your child know that you still love them even though you’re not too happy with what they did.  “I love you dearly and I am really angry that you hit your brother.”  They can change their behavior without changing who they are.
   
Words are powerful!  
 
Children develop their self-esteem based on what others--most importantly, their parents--think or say about them.  Choose your words carefully because once you say them, it’s impossible to take it back.  If necessary, walk away without saying anything until your emotions are under control and you’ve had time to think about what you want to say.  
 
Let children solve their own problems! 
 
Self-esteem is developed over a lifetime of experiences that are both good and bad.  Children, like adults, feel a sense of accomplishment when they have solved their problems successfully.  If necessary, give them a couple of ideas and make sure he/she knows that these are suggestions--not demands--for solving the problem.  My favorite phrase for this is “You’re welcome to solve your problem any way you want—as long as it doesn’t cause a problem for me or anybody else.”  This gives children the control they need to solve their problem their way AND I get to keep control in the event their solution is causing a problem for me or anybody else.
 
Be a cheerleader! 
 
This is the most powerful self esteem building statement I’ve ever learned:  “I’ll bet you feel proud about that! (Wait for the child to agree with you or use their feeling word.)  If you say, “Mommy/Daddy feels proud when you…” you are taking control of the proud feeling instead of letting the child own it.      You did the dishes (or some other task) and I didn’t have to tell you to do them!  I feel proud whenever I do something without being told to do it!”   Children need to learn that it’s o.k. to feel proud when they accomplish a task and they need to know that their parents would feel the same way.    
 
Watch your child’s body language!
 
When your child is feeling proud of something they have done, they will stand tall and smile from ear to ear.  Likewise if they’re not feeling proud, they will hang their head low and shoulders will droop.  When you see your child standing tall or drooping, make an observational statement:  “I see you’re feeling proud/sad.  Tell me all about it.” and then listen to what they’re saying.  Be empathic:  “I understand.  I always feel proud/sad when……”  
 
Ages and Stages
 
Infants develop their self-esteem through getting their basic needs met, the scent of mom and the beat of her heart.
 
Toddlers develop their sense of self with every new skill they master.
 
Preschoolers develop their self-esteem through a sense of trust with adults, independence, and initiative to do things on their own.
 
Finally, self-esteem is something a child needs to own.  I like to compare self-esteem to a toy that is given to a child versus a toy the child buys with their money.  When a child has to go to their piggy bank and get money for a specific toy, they will take much better care of that toy because they own it. 
 
Self-esteem is the same!  Instead of money, the child needs many varied experiences; both good and bad; to own a healthy self esteem.   These experiences must include chances to solve their own problems, put on and take off their coats, experience difficult moments and more.  From these moments, children will gain the confidence they need to take the next step; whatever that may be.  The best part is they did this on their own!
 
 
 

At the ripe age of 1, children go through some changes that are very gratifying to see and others that help every parent think “OH MY GOSH!  Where did this child come from?”  Parents tell me about the hitting, biting, saying “No!” and just outright defiant behavior.  The most important thing to know is that everything your child is doing is normal and he/she is learning about his/her abilities.  One of the skills she/he is learning is impulse control and this one's tough!  The reason for this is that there are so many different levels to this skill (motor, language, cognitive, emotional, etc.) and children continue to learn about impulse control well into their adult years.  Right now, we’re teaching her/him how to "take a deep breath and relax".  Here are some things I would do:



1.  Catch him/her being calm/following the rules and be their cheerleader.  I like to say things like "John, you're sitting quietly (or whatever else it is he/she is doing the right way).  Congratulations!  I'll bet you feel proud about that."  I realize that this last part may be a bit beyond her/his comprehension.  I still say it because I'm setting the pathways in the brain for the time she/he does comprehend it and it won't be the first time they heard it.  I’m also identifying acceptable behavior.  Children know full well about cause and effect and they don’t always know what’s acceptable behavior and what isn’t.  When I identify those behaviors that are o.k., I am teaching them just as much about behavior as I would if I were teaching them something academic.


2.  To help with hitting I find it best when I can catch her/his hand before he/she hits.  While holding their hand, I will say firmly (not shouting) "No hitting!  You may not hit!  You need to be nice."  As I'm saying this last sentence I would have her/his hand(s) in mine and I'd demonstrate a nice touch.  Then, the instant I see her/him touching something nicely, I become a cheerleader.  (“You’re touching the doll nicely!  Congratulations I’ll bet you feel proud about this!”) The child may touch something nicely within the first 30 seconds after I do it and we need to be ready for that cheerleading moment.  He/she will test you to see if you’re noticing their correct behavior.  If you don’t recognize it, they will revert back to hitting because they know this is going to get your attention.  Now, from a learning standpoint, I take their hand and show them how to touch nicely because children are learning everything for the first time; whether it's good or bad behavior.  They don't know what "nice touch" means until I say the word and do it with the child.  As for the brain:  When the child is hearing words and doing/feeling/touching at the same time, learning is sure to occur.  The other piece I'm doing is identifying the behavior and whether it's o.k. or not.  Again, children don't know this at the very beginning.


3.  Biting is an interesting thing.  To me it's usually a sign of anger and please don’t take this personally.  Children at this age get mad at the drop of a hat; whether it’s because they aren’t getting what they want or not being able to communicate.  I would take anecdotal records of what happens immediately prior to the biting and that will give you some clues as to the source of their anger.  In the meantime, here's what I do to stop biting:  I put my hand on the child’s forehead.  With one swift and light motion, I take my hand over their face and down to the chin.  I make sure to touch their lips as I’m going from forehead to chin.  At the same time I’m brushing their face with my hand, I will say firmly (not yelling), "No biting.  You may not bite."  My reasons for doing this are all about the brain.  When the child is hearing the words and feeling my hand brushing their face (and especially touching their lips), learning is more apt to occur than not.

 

I hope this helps.  At the end of a day go into their bedroom and watch them sleep.  They are so angelic at that moment and all the frustrations and anger simply melt away.  Now you’re ready for whatever tomorrow is going to bring and you’re starting with a clean slate.

Responsibility; such a heavy word!  Responsibility is one of those life skills that children will take and use for the rest of their lives.  The older they get, the more responsibility is required and expected.  The $64,000 question is:  How do I teach children about responsibility?

I believe the only way children learn about responsibility is to expect them to be responsible for things that are developmentally appropriate and part of their daily life.  The best (and most challenging) is that children as young as 1 can be learn about responsibility and they don’t even know they are learning this skill.  I say most challenging because when we look at one year olds we see complete innocence exploring their world.  So, here are my ideas:

•   1.   Responsibility for the one-year old begins with carrying their own blanket, bottle, or toy.  It begins with these youngsters getting their shoes, putting their coats in the designated spot when they come into the house.  It really begins with children learning how to pick up their toys and put them in the toy box.  I say learning because these little ones have no clue what we’re saying when we say for the first time “O.k., it’s time to pick up the toys and put them away.”  So, we have to teach them what this means.  Here’s what I do:  I take the child’s hands and walk with them to a toy.  We pick it up together and then walk back to the toy box and place it inside.  When the toy is in the box, I say “You just picked up a toy!  Way to go!” and while I’m saying this, I take their hands and give them a quick little belly rub.  Then, we go back out to do the same thing.  I keep doing this until the child gets the idea of what “picking up the toys” means and the expectations of that statement.  When I get a child who wants to fuss, I gently pick them up while holding their hands and “jump” to the toy.  From a technical standpoint, this resets their proprioceptive sense and to them they’re having fun.

• 2.    Responsibility for the two year old happens with the first time they proclaim “I do.” or they push your hands aside when you try to help them.  Now, they get to learn about choices (“You can hold my hand or I can carry you.”  The follow up to this is when they don’t want to hold my hand I will say in a nice calm and happy voice, “Oh, I see you want me to carry you.”  Then I pick them up right away and start moving out the door or wherever it is I need them to go.)  They are so ready and willing to do things on their own and we need to take a deep breath (as long as it’s safe) and let them do.  I am reminded of the child who wanted to help mom fold the towels.  Mom knew the towels weren’t going to get folded the right way (a.k.a. her way) so she gave her child the dirty towels to fold and child was happy.  I have heard from so many moms that this time of life is the most difficult because for the first year mom had to do everything for her baby and the transition from dependence to independence can be rather challenging.
  
• 3.    Responsibility for the 3 year old begins with dressing, walking, and their bedroom.  I see so many 3 (and 4) year olds being carried from the car to the store or wherever they are entering and the reality is responsibility begins when children realize they are old enough to walk under their own power.  I realize there are times that safety requires the child to be carried and whenever possible, put the child down and let them walk.  I have also seen so many children walk into school, stand with their hands held out and wait for mom to take their coat off and hang it up for them.  At this age children are very capable of taking off their own coats and hanging it up.  (FYI:  This is why we take coats out of the adult’s hand and give it to the child to hang up on their own.)  As for the bedroom, children are ready to be responsible for keeping their rooms clean and when it’s not, they get to clean it up.  They might need help with this when the room is so messy it’s overwhelming.  When this happens, help them make a plan.  For example, “Let’s pick up all the clothes first.  Then, let’s pick up the yellow toys.”  I am all in favor of giving children ideas because they are still learning.
  
• 4.    Responsibility with the 3 year old (and older) begins with accountability.  When they have a problem to solve, they need to be the ones to solve it; with a little help.  I will ask if they want an idea on how to solve a particular problem and most of the time they will agree to hear my suggestions.  Then, I’ll say “I knew somebody who sat down and threw a big hissy fit.  How’s that going to work?  I knew somebody who ran around the room screaming.  How’s that going to work?  I knew somebody who said ‘Ernie could you please help me put the scale in the box.’  How’s that going to work?”  By this time, they will ask me to help and we move on.  The importance of “How’s that going to work?” after each suggestion is to get them to think about the consequences of my ideas.  I know we’ve all heard this statement “Say what you mean and mean what you say.”  I have watched parents tell their child they couldn’t have or do something only to give in moments later and let them have or do.  This really sends the wrong message because the child is learning all I need to do is keep bugging mom and dad until I get what I want.  Accountability is also seen in the punishment for their actions.  For example, mom/dad/grandparent/nanny tells child “If you do this one more time, you’re going to your room.”  Child does it one more time and gets sent to their room.  As the child is going up the stairs, they say “I promise I’ll never do it again!  Please don’t send me to my room.” and the caretaker gives in and lets them stay downstairs.  Now, two minutes later child is doing the same behavior and a serious power struggle ensues.  I realize that we always want to give children a second chance and it’s so important to carry through with the consequence; whatever that may be.

There are no textbooks, videos, or online games that teach children responsibility. Responsibility is best learned through experience after experience after experience.  Unfortunately, there will be times when the result of being irresponsible will have consequences that are not so pleasant.  Conversely, there will be responsible moments that end with a big smile and a huge dose of confidence!  Both have their purpose in life and with each and every moment, your child will become a responsible person who will have the confidence necessary to take on any situation that comes their way.